Fear of failure is a common saboteur of success that begins the moment you have an idea that could possibly lead to you having an additional income stream, finding financial freedom or simply empowering your life.

Have you ever had an idea only to stop and ask yourself, what if I fail? Or have you made the mistake of comparing your small idea to something similar, already in existence and believe that there’s no way you have what it takes to get your idea to that level? Many people are being held back by these same thoughts. If you want to accomplish your hopes and dreams, you must start where you are. When you look at others that are doing what you want to do, it is important that you tell yourself, “That is not where they started; I must start where I am as they did.”

Years ago a very close “Friend” of mine walked into a gym weighing a measly 153 pounds. Shortly after his workout began, he noticed how muscular everyone else in the gym was. This “friend” of mine became embarrassed, got up and walked out, jumped into his car and went home discouraged. It would be a few years before he returned. It took him that long how lto realize that no one was born with a special muscle building secret and he should not have compared himself to those that had been putting in the work for months, perhaps even years before he decided to get started. Not starting where he was had simply prevented him from achieving success sooner. But had he started where he was and continued to work hard, eat right and stay motivated he would have seen increases in his muscle growth just as those he’d compared himself to, had done. Today, he’s almost two hundred pounds of solid muscle. (Ok, that’s an exaggeration.)

You can achieve success by starting where you are TODAY and not allowing your fear of failure to prevent you from becoming the person you deserve to become. Start today, where you are!

Creating a Connection with your students is the best way to help them begin to believe in themselves.

Growing up, the teachers that taught in my neighborhood didn’t take much interest in the personal lives of the students, but maintained a strict teacher/student relationship. Although it is important that it be established who is in charge, a balance can be found that says I am the teacher, but I do care about your life both in and outside of the classroom.

As a mentor in various schools, the teachers that have great connections with their students becomes very evident. There is always a noticeable difference in the way the students responds and interacts with the teacher. You see how important the teacher’s approval is to the student and much like a child wants to do well for a parent, the student becomes disappointed when they let their teacher down.

However, teachers that do not have connections with their students also becomes evident. I noticed that the teacher’s approval meant nothing to the student that did not have an established connection with their teacher so those students had no problems disrupting classroom time.

While sitting in an English class with “Lou” a 16 year old boy I’m currently mentoring, I noticed how he interacted differently with some teachers. In his English class he became a different student and when I asked why, his response was, “That teacher doesn’t care about me!” “Lou” was not doing well in that class.

However, his math teacher had been able to create a connection with him by showing a genuine concern with his life both inside and outside of the school. I asked “Lou” why he treated his math teacher differently than his English teacher and his response was, “He cares.” “Lou” maintained a B average in math. I believe the connection with his teacher has a lot to do with his success in that class.

There are many ways to make a connection with a student. I’m going to discuss a few ways that Mr. Lyles used to help change my life. These are also a few of the methods I use as a mentor and also teach in workshops.

1. Create one on one time. Due to growing class sizes this is not as easy as it once was, however it is not impossible. To do this requires a teacher to be creative and take advantage of different opportunities. Because Mr. Lyles took advantage of my situation, a strong bond was developed when he made those visits to me while I was in solitary confinement. The stronger that bond became, the more I trusted him. The more I trusted him the more I listened to his words and made an attempt to follow his instruction.

I have witnessed teachers build trust by finding and taking advantage of one on one time. One such situation involved a young man that was in the dean’s office and was being suspended for fighting. It was his 3rd time being suspended that year. I watched a teacher as she spotted him, stop dead in her tracks, went into the office and sat down next to him. She began to say something that only he could hear. I watched the student lose his fight to hold back tears as the teacher patted his hand before getting up and walking away.

She saw an opportunity and created one on one time with that student and it was over in less than five minutes. Because I knew the teacher, I stopped her to find out what was going on and what she said to the student. She stated that she just stopped to make sure he was okay and when she found out he was being suspended she gave him a few words of encouragement, letting him know he was still a good person and that she believed he could do better. She also offered to help him get the assignments he was going to miss. Taking advantage and creating one on one time helped her to make a connection with that student and the last time I’d checked he had not been in anymore fights.

2. Self-Disclosure: Mr. Lyles often talked about his life growing up in a rough Detroit neighborhood. He had made many mistakes growing up but was able to turn his life around and become successful. I will never forget the personal stories he told me about himself. He made some of the same mistakes I had made, but he had managed to change for the better. His stories about himself made me think about my life and that if he could do it, then I could too. Sharing personal stories about yourself that are appropriate in getting a point across will help make a connection on a common human level.

3. Communication: Verbal, Nonverbal and Written: I have seen teachers use one, two or all forms of these types of communication to help make a connection with their students. One teacher had taken the time and identified which form of communication suited certain students in his class. Because he saw so many students on a weekly basis, he maintained notes about each student that helped him to remember. Over a period of time, I witnessed this teacher joke around and openly give words of encouragement to students that were more vocal in his class. They appreciated when they did well on an assignment or at a sporting event and he mentioned it to the entire classroom. However, that approach did not work well with the students that were reserved so he used other methods, such as placing his hand on one students shoulder and smiling as he returned a test that the student had received a C on. I found out that the same student was having a tough time at home, and had been worried about failing that particular exam. The same teacher had written notes on many of his student’s papers like, “Great job!” “Only a B? You can do better!” and “Great game on Friday!” The students would read the hand written note, smile and carry on with their day.

Creating a connection is the lifeline of change and hope. It connects the student with perhaps the most important people in their lives besides their parents. And for many students that do not have relationships with their parents, a teacher is all they have.